Wednesday, August 11, 2010

TB (The Boss) was nervous.

On his last "Focus on The Client" junket, TB and his personal secretaries Manuelo and Ms. Kokbytur all fell asleep watching serial motivational videos. The next morning as TB lay half awake under both, an earnest tele-father-figure in tight Armani business casual was blaring out an exegesis on the sins of the flesh in tones of brass and brimstone. The earnest prophet was concentrating on sin among the higher order of God's creatures, in particular on the demoralizing effects of "porn."

Since TB was still drowsy, the message was subliminal and long lasting. He finally woke up with a burning sensation that Porn was deleterious to workplace productivity, and since workplace productivity is directly correlated to shareholder value which is directly correlated to options and bonus, porn must be eradicated, and TB set about doing it after a full week of strenuous motivation.


From: The Boss
To: Everyone

"Here at my company, we try to maintain a high level of professional conduct and responsibility. Everyone is expected to adhere to the highest standards in everything we do in public including Ethics with a capital 'E'. One thing that affects Ethics is purity. Purity in washing, bathing, focus on the customer and efficient exchange of gases from all orifices to name a few. But most assuredly, it is Purity in Sex and how our Associates think about Sex that is of utmost concern.

"Bad thinking about Sex reduces employee productivity. Instead of concentrating on client satisfaction and focusing on the customer, associates spend that valuable time in the bathroom, and I don't mean just #1 or #2. It shouldn't take 15 minutes to dump a load, but some of our security tapes show associates taking up to an hour or more, probably after imagining my personal secretary Ms. Kokbytur giving a rim job to a file clerk.

"So we're going to put disk scanners, keystroke loggers and web trackers on all the computers. We catch you with porn and your ass is out pronto. And just so you know what I'm talking about, here's specifically what I mean:

* Tits
* Ass (both kinds)
* Pussy
* Cocks
* Cock sucking (with or without prostate massage)
* Eating out
* Hand Jobs
* Sex toys, chairs and other equipment
* Any kind of active fucking; gay or straight

Be Warned!!!"

Tot, the consultant, floated in on little cat's feet and whispered sensuously while passing the ubiquitous envelope.

"Oh yeah, anything involving horses, or Junior doing red-rocket on a German Shepard should be turned over to Mistress Forever in HR."

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